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January 8th, 2014: Developing relationships

December 12, 2013

In the middle hour we discussed developing relationships and making the effort to reach out. The definition put out was that to have a relationship both people must relate to each other. Science is easy. People are hard. Neurotypicals are failing at this also with a 60% divorce rate. Some of us have been burned (hurt) and taken advantage of in the past. Some of us have even paid scam artists money assuming they were in an online relationship with that special someone for weeks, months or years. I have learned a little bit of the process through eHarmony which allows one to do this safely by slowly matching personalities and finding a match that will not take advantage of you. Knowing that you can live with someone else’s faults and still feel good about yourself is more important than knowing you can live with someone else’s attractions and tehn meeting them without paying money.

Some Aspies have developed and maintained relationships even before knowing they were on the spectrum but it became easier with less blame once known by their partner. Maintaining respect and being sensitive is important. Establishing the proper borders is difficult if you do not know what is proper. Another impediment is selling yourself short. It is amazing how many lonely single neurotypical people there are out there and how many very intelligent autistic spectrum people who are not even considering a romantic relationship because they think they are unattractive. Again we talked about active listening as a way to communicate in a relationship: repeat what the other said and ask “tell me more” x 5. Also ask about family or the people the person is most vested in. The floodgates will open.

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